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Friday, February 17, 2006

The Arab Parallel Universe

I just stumbled onto a brilliant set of posts by Sandmonkey and his commenters, which together explain Arab actions with a small set of rules.

The term APU, or Arab Parallel Universe, was coined by Jeffrey to describe the phenomenon where Arabs never lose wars - they either win, become an Arab Champion or are heroically martyred.

Egyptian Sandmonkey followed up with his own set of 7 Rules of the APU, which are as hilarious as they are accurate. In short:

1) Arabs never make mistakes, and they rarely lose wars.
2) The Zionists and the Americans are always to blame for everything that is wrong in the APU.(
"Drug use rise in Egypt? Israel is shipping drugs free to Egypt to destroy our naïve helpless youth! STD levels rising? STD & HIV infected Israelis moussad girls who come here to infect our virile Egyptian men with AIDS are to blame. The Egypt air plane that captain Batouty committed suicide with and plunged in the ocean? The Americans shot it down.")
3) If there is any credit at all that can be contributed to Arabs in any way, they will take it. ("Even though this whole 911 thing was a jewish conspiracy anyway, if it turned out that arabs were behind it, then u have to admit that it was greatly planned and flawlessly executed and that its good to give America a lesson every now and then.")
4) Good leadership is inversely related to how US-friendly a leader is!
5) Any media that is not the official state-owned media is filled with Zionist, Jewish, American, Christian, imperialist, anti-arab influences and they LIE ALL THE TIME!
6) There is really no need for elections in the APU, because Presidents and rulers are presidents and rulers for life.
7) The only viable alternative candidate to the current leader or president is this current leader or president’s son.

It is worth reading the whole thing.

More recently, another commenter Elengil posted a beautiful additional rule:
Collective punishment is wrong. But only against us. If we decide to collectively punish you, then that's ok because you all deserve it. But don't you dare generalize all of us, no matter how much we generalize you. Oh and by the way, an attack on one Arab country is an attack on all Arab countries.. but please don't assume that means an attack BY one Arab country means an attack by all Arab countries cause that would be a logical falacy. Somehow.

So remember:
Generalizations of us by you: Wrong
Generalizations of you by us: Right

And don't you dare criticize our violence, cause then we'll kill you, and that'll just prove how peaceful we really are! Take that you american and zionist pig-dogs and your Democratically elected leaders that we hate and have caused the world to turn on you. But don't you dare criticise *our* democratically elected terrorist organization, because they were elected, so you have to like them, no matter how much we hate your democratically elected leaders - it's right to assume that the whole of America supported everything Bush stood for since as many as 50% voted for him, but it would be wrong to assume that every Palestinian supports everything Hamas stands for since only around 80% voted for them."

Very well said!

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